i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
