I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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