i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are we still banned from the library?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
