my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
