it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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