she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
