end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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