My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
