Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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