I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
