I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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