I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
