I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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