my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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