I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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