You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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