2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
