***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
