told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
