if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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