is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
