I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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