My sheets look like a crime scene.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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