I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
