id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
