Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
