don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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