carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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