idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
