Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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