Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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