My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Small penises have feelings too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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