Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
send nudes
from the living room?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
