Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
