Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
