3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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