What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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