just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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