sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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