R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
