I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
