speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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