ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
