Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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