guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
