I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
