my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
