She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
