Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
