How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
