Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
