Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
