He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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