so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
