It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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