my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
