billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
