I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They have beer where we have blood.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
