Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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