literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
