I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
