i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
