jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
