I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
