tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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