i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do herpes really smell.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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