I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
