It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Randomize
