I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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