Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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