you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
