i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
