Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
