There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's the barista slut.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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