ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
