i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
