After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she looked like the before picture.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
